Being architects of one's own destiny: the conquest of one's individuality

By Doctor Maurizio Capezzuto - www.psicologodiroma.com -

A person's first responsibility is to be a witness to himself. Responsibility and respect towards ourselves and the people around us should be the prerequisite on which to build all our relationships. The term individual comes from the Latin IN (non) and DIVIDUUS (divisible, separable). Individual therefore means: one cannot divide. The individual cannot be divided, neither as a single entity nor by the interpersonal context in which he lives. We could define an autonomous individual when he is able to treat others as he would treat himself and in doing so he adopts an individual behavior, which it is proper to him, free from external conditioning.

Authentic relationships, that is, based on true feelings, are mainly nourished by the trust and responsibility that the people involved are able to assume one another. Often, however, our choices and our actions are inevitably followed by a trail of pain, even very intense and lacerating; imagine for example the choices of a child that disappoint the expectations of the parents, or the feeling of the need to put an end to a love story, etc. etc. It often happens that to avoid taking on the responsibility that that particular action involves , we hide behind a lie. We tell ourselves that we cannot be the architects of that pain that the person will feel, that we cannot be so bad, that we almost do not recognize ourselves. Treat others as if we were treating ourselves, not however, it means not being the cause of the suffering of the other at times. To relate to the other as if it were me means to treat the other with respect, it means in a word I will not lie to you in the name of and who knows what. The sense of dissatisfaction, of restlessness, of suffering that wear us out internally, are signs of our inner discomfort. The price we are forced to pay for an inauthentic existence is always very high. Starting from this sense of profound frustration, we may be able to build our destiny by recovering our individuality. I do not doubt that being an individual is a difficult undertaking. , and it is especially so when this individuality is found to relate in an authentic way with another person, but most likely it is the only way forward that will certainly be the most rewarding.From an early age, the identification mechanism accompanies us and facilitates us in the growth process. But at a certain point in our existence we must learn to know how to cut that umbilical cord, otherwise we risk that what was our source of survival until some time ago now becomes our destruction. Each individual will be able to be the testimony of himself in the instant in which he will be able to free himself from those processes of identification to which existence subjects him. Being oneself means freeing oneself from the pressing need to refer to models external to us. The process of individual growth that a person does consists first of all in a long and unstoppable process of differentiation, where the person learns to walk on their own legs. We are what we are by virtue of stories and experiences that are entirely individual. This should be our engine, which should give us a further push towards understanding the importance of being unique.

Developing this sense of differentiation with respect to pre-established rules, models and canons is fundamental for our psychophysical well-being.

This principle should accompany us in the "sphere of all relationships, especially in love relationships. A sentimental relationship where one is led to establish what is right from what is unjust, what is lawful from what is illegal, what is moral from what is immoral, not only tends to deprive us of our freedom, but above all tramples on our dignity as human beings. No one should actually establish which model we should identify with. Our psychological physiognomy should be the result of experiences arising from our desires, our choices, and not the result of coercive tendencies implemented by the people around us. sun forces. As prof. Aldo Carotenuto: "not undertaking this journey towards the conquest of autonomy would mean having to pay a very high price, transforming ourselves into living beings who are not aware of their very existence".